i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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