i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize