The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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