I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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