There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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