bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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