peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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