Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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