You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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