Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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