awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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