I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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