Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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