I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize