I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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