I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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