My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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