you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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