Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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