And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you never un-have a 4some
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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