I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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