we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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