when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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