How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize