But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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