I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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