It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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