There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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