if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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