new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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