my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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