Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize