even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize