Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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