y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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