I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love you. Go after that dick
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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