My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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