I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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