Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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