what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize