My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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