Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize