I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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