i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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