I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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