i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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