She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He better not be in your backpack
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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