It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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