Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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