the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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